Moustache
by jellyontoast
Summary: A bet between Sam and Freddie leads to facial hair...sounds weird but I assure you it's not that weird. Seddie. Hope you like it! : p
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, this is my little story about a moustache. Enjoy!**

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"...And that was our sketch of a hobo eating soup." Sam said pointing to a smiling Freddie dressed as a hobo complete with dirty old clothes and a fake beard covered in chicken soup.

"Well that's all for tonight, thanks for watching!" Carly said waving goodbye.

"But remember to vote on who you think should be the next president – ET or this bowl of soup?"

"Bye" They said in unity.

"And we're clear." Said Freddie turning off the cameras, and taking off his wig and fake beard. "I kinda like this beard. It reminds me of my uncle Michael, he has the biggest moustache I've ever seen. I think he won an award for it..."

"My great aunt Lisa has the largest moustache I've ever seen..." Sam said while slouching lazily on the bean bag eating the chicken soup.

"Ew..." Carly muttered thinking about a woman with facial hair.

"I bet Fredderly can't even grow a beard!" Sam exclaimed.

"Yeah," Carly joined in. "He probably can only grow those little stubly moustaches or goatie beards"

"I can too grow facial hair!" Freddie shot back getting annoyed.

"Oh yeah, 'cause you're _all _man" Sam said sacasticly rolling her eyes.

"Freddie its fine." Carly butted in, sensing things were gonna get out of hand. "Spencer can't grow facial hair either."

"I can't what now?" Spencer shouted up from downstairs.

"Oh go feed the cat!" Carly shouted back laughing.

"You have a cat?" Sam asked confused, getting up from her bean bag.

"Nope."

"Hey Sam, I bet you a trip to that new steak restaurant downtown that I'll have a full grown beard by the end of the week!" Freddie said looking confident.

"DEAL!" Sam shouted shaking his hand vigorously. "Steakville here I come!" She licked her lips dreaming of meat.

"Carly," Spencer said looking confused as he entered the studio. "We don't have a cat..."

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**tell me what you think!**

**Don't really know where I'm going with this story but I'll try to update as soon as i can! : )**

**PS. I love reviews! : p**


	2. Chapter 2

**New chapter! Sorry it took so long.**

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"Spencer! Take it off!" Carly shouted chasing after Spencer around the room.

"Never!" Spencer protested.

Carly stopped running. She flopped down on the couch, out of breath and panting. "Spencer, you look ridiculous." She said.

"I think I look dashing." Spencer said twiddling with the very big bushy handle-bar moustache on his upper lip. Carly got up and tore it right off his face.

"OW!" He screamed jumping around in pain.

"That'll teach you to wear fake facial hair!"

"But Carly, ever since I heard about Sam and Freddie's bet I've been thinking: There's this girl at the bank and every time I ask her out she says she is looking for someone manlier. What's more manly than a moustache? So since I can't actually grow facial hair, I bought this lovely 'tache from Socko's cousin."

"What was Socko's cousin called?" Carly asked smirking.

"Beardo."

"Hey-o!" Freddie said walking through the front door. "Where's Sam? I want to show her my lovely 9 o'clock shadow."

"She'll be here in a minute." Carly answered. "Wow Freddie, you actually have stubble!" She added admiring his unshaven chin.

"Urgh! Why was this kid blessed with a hairy face and not me! Life is unfair." Spencer exclaimed, then stormed out of the room.

"Hey peoples, what goes on?" Sam said casually entering the room and throwing her schoolbag in the corner. "Freddie? Is that stubble on your face or did you kiss a porcupine?" she asked shocked going over to Freddie to feel his face.

"Yup." He said confidently. "I win Sam."

"No no no!"Sam interrupted. "The bet was for you to have a full grown beard by the end of the week! The bet is still on. I WILL get my free meat."

"Fine." Freddie said sighing. "Wait...why are you still rubbing my face?"

"It just feels so weird." She answered stroking his face. "Soft...stubbly...soft...stubbly...soft-"

"Ok Sam," Carly said worriedly, guiding Sam away from Freddie. "Stop touching Freddie inappropriately."

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**Tell what'cha think!**

**thanks for reading and reviewing! : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**The next instalment of the moustache series. : p**

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"Dude, everyone is looking at you." Carly said as the trio were walking into school. People around them were whispering and pointing at Freddie, some giggling, some shocked and some staring in awe that he could actually grow facial hair.

"There all just admiring my man fuzz." Freddie replied smugly, gesturing towards his chin.

"Ok seriously Fredbeard, man fuzz? That just sounds wrong." Sam said shaking her head in disbelief.

"Oh, you're right..."

"Hey guys." Gibby said walking over to them holding the new bacon flavoured fat cake. "I wanted to show you the new fat...wait...Freddie? Are you growing a beard? Cool! Can I touch it?"

"Er...no." Freddie replied awkwardly.

"Urgh! Everyone needs to stop staring at him." Sam said annoyed, as one girl dropped her books in shock when she saw him. "It's getting on _my_ nerves and The Fredster is just getting smug."

"The Fredster?" Freddie questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, The Fredster. I've given you an honorary 'The'." Sam answered simply.

"Yay! I have a 'The'!"

An attractive girl walked up to Freddie and stroked his cheek. "Hey, you look good Fred. Call me sometime, 'kay?" she said flirting.

"I...uh...maybe?" Freddie stuttered out. The girl smiled and walked away leaving him staring at her confused. "What just happened?"

"You got asked out!" Carly said excitedly clapping her hands with delight.

"Pathetic. She just likes you for your stubble."Sam said folding her arms with a scowl on her face. "She didn't even get your name right..."

"Excuse me? You just called me 'The Fredster' like seconds ago! You never call me by my real name, she just shortened Freddie to Fred. What's wrong with that?"

"Fred is a stupid nickname! And I thought you liked being called the Fredster!" Sam shouted back. "Come on you dork, let's go to class." She added, dragging him to the classroom.

"Sam let go! Urgh...why are you still stronger than me? Let Go! SAM!" Freddie shouted in protest as he was dragged away down the hall way.

Carly turned to face Gibby. "I think Sam is jealous!" she said in a singsong voice.

"Yes." Gibby nodding his head in agreement. "I think Sam wants Freddie's furry face all to herself."

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**Hello, thanks for reading. : )**

**Also thank you to everyone who reviewed, I got a lot more reviews than I expected for a story about facial hair!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Once apon a time in the world of facial hair...**

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"Yum... bacon flavoured fat cakes: possibly the best snack in the world." Sam muttered out loud to herself as she walked up the stairs of the Bushwell building to Carly's apartment. Focusing on her food, she didn't notice Freddie coming out of his apartment and walked straight into him.

"Sam!" Freddie shouted annoyed, getting up of the ground and brushing the dust off his clothes. "Watch where you're going!"

"Yeah yeah, I'm sorry." Sam said opening the door to Carly's apartment. "You've got a proper little beard growing now Fredbeard." She commented on his growing stubble as they both entered the apartment. They greeted Spencer who was lounged out on the couch watching TV. "You should think about styling it."

"Styling it?" Freddie questioned.

"Yes. Which would you rather, a goatee or sideburns?" she asked playfully. "A pencil thin moustache or a handle-bar moustache? Oh! I know a connoisseur moustache!"

"A what?" he asked confused.

"Oh you know, those little French moustaches with the curled up edges. Hey, I could style it!" Sam said excitedly. "Spencer, can I borrow your razor?"

"I don't have one!" Spencer cried getting up off the couch and running to his room.

"Okay...Freddie, get your razor, unless you still use your mom's lady shaver, then just forget it." Sam said.

"I own a razor!" He answered back defensively. "But I don't know if I should let you near my face with a sharp object." He added, holding up his hands to his beard worriedly.

"I won't hurt you...bad. You know I have a fondness of facial hair."

"You do?"

"Yes, Freddie, my furry faced friend, I do. Now get that razor! I have a moustache to create!"Sam exclaimed. Freddie left to go to his apartment still looking very worried. Carly then came bounding down the stairs.

"Oh, hey Sam. I didn't know you were here. Ready for school?"She asked.

"Nearly. I just have one little thing I need to do before we go."Sam answered as Freddie came in holding a razor, and then gave it to Sam. She grinned devilishly.

"What are you going to do Sam?" Carly asked worriedly.

"You'll see."

Sam began to shave Freddie's face, but left the upper lip unshaven to form the moustache. She put some mousse on her hands and ran it through the moustache, curling up the edges. Standing back to admire her work, Sam grinned. She handed Freddie a mirror so he could see her handy-work.

"Oh. My. Moustache." Freddie exclaimed, before erupting in laughter.

"I knew you'd like it." Sam said smiling satisfied. **(AN. Unnecessary alteration, I know)**

"When is this bet over between you?" Carly asked. "Haven't you both lost already? Freddie can grow a beard, but he shaved it off before the end of the week."

"What bet?" they both asked.

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**Thank you all SO much for the reviews! I loved them all.**

**I will post the next chapter tomorrow.**

**Bye! : )**


	5. Chapter 5

"_The practice of wearing fake moustaches while attending church is now common place in the West of Scotland. This is attributed to the fact that moustached people are Gods favourite"- John Handy_

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"Hey Gibby," Carly greeted, as she organised her books out of her locker. "Ready for class?"

"Yup, I got my books, pen and a packet of pistachio nuts. I'm good to go." Gibby replied while popping a pistachio nut into his mouth. "Ummm...pistachio flavour..."

"Alrighty then, let's go." Carly said.

"Where are Sam and Freddie?" he asked looking around for the two missing friends.

"Would you believe that Sam is grooming Freddie's moustache? I swear those two are inseparable since this whole 'facial hair experiment' started." Carly said slightly irritated. "Did you know Sam even named his moustache? Well she did. She named it Sam, insisting it was named after Sam Elliot, the great moustache bearer. But I think I know better."

"You think Sam _likes _Freddie?" Gibby asked surprised.

"No...I think she might just have a thing for facial hair." Carly answered as they walked to class.

"Oh my God! Carly!" Sam exclaimed running over to Carly in the hall with a big smile on her face. "I just had the best idea for an icarly segment!"

"What idea?" Carly asked.

"We do a sketch with the cowboy who had a moustache and the idiot farm girl who thought the cowboy's moustache was a squirrel, except with 2 cowboys and 2 farm girls!"

"Let me guess, Freddie is the second cowboy?" Carly asked amused as Sam nodded her head enthusiastically. "But who is going to be the second farm girl?"

"Gibby!"

"Oh no, I'm not wearing women's clothes again. My mom is getting worried about me." Gibby said shaking his head and putting up his hands.

"Oh come on Gibby, It will be great!" Sam begged.

"Fine." Gibby said defeated. "But no pantyhose this time, they itch."

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"In 5...4...3...2...1" Spencer said holding up the camera to the 4 friends dressed as cowboys and farm girls.

"There is no 1!" Freddie hissed at him.

"Well sorry!" Spencer shouted back annoyed.

"I'm Sam."

"And I'm Carly."

"And this is moustache central!" they said together introducing Freddie.

"Today we are going to do a little sketch for you called 'The 2 cowboys and the 2 idiot farm girls who thought the 2 cowboys moustaches were squirrels." Carly said. "It is in celebration of Freddie's new accessory." She added as Freddie grinned twirling up the edges of his moustache.

"It'll be twice as fun as usually!" Sam added.

"And begin!" Spencer shouted.

"This here's a _good _root beer." Sam said taking a sip of the soda.

"I know it's good when it tingles m'tache." Freddie agreed.

"Hey, you got a squirrel on lip." Gibby said to Freddie dressed as a farm girl, complete with dress, hat and cowboy boots.

"Yeah, you got a squirrel on your lip too." Carly said to Sam.

"You girls surely must be stupid because this here is a moustache, not a squirrel." Freddie replied.

"Squirrel Party!" Carly shouted as the random dancing music started playing. Everyone jumped up and began dancing.

"Hope you liked the sketch!" Sam said dancing while simultaneously slapping Freddie's face like a maniac. The music then stopped and everyone calmed down.

"I still think this was all just a rouse to get me in a dress." Gibby said shaking his head sadly.

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Thank you for all the positive feedback, this is one of the most fun stories to write. : )**


	6. Chapter 6

**...Moustache romance...**

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"Can I touch it?"

"Not now Sam."

"Ok, how about now?"

"The answer hasn't changed in the last 5 seconds."

"Please?"

"Wow, you actually said please! Good for you!" Freddie said proudly patting her head.

"Don't patronise me Fredbeard. Can I touch your moustache now?"Sam begged.

"Nope. Why are you so interested in it?" he asked, slouching on a beanbag in the icarly studio.

"My dad used to have a moustache you know."Sam replied sitting beside him.

"Oh good, I thought you were going to say your mom had one."Freddie said smirking. Sam ignored him and continued.

"He was always so proud of his 'tache. When I was younger, he would pick me up and we'd pretend his moustache a furry pet named Charles that lived on his face." Sam said softly, her mouth curling up into a smile at the memory. "That's where I got the idiot cowgirl sketch idea from."

"You don't talk about your dad much, do you?" Freddie asked gently, quietly studying Sam.

"Nope, and I'm not going to start now." Sam said getting up. "I am gonna go home. My mom wants me to shave her toes." She shuddered. "Enjoy recalibrating the icarly website or whatever it is you do here."

"You know you can always talk to me about anything, Sam." Freddy said.

"Why would I talk to a complete nerd like you?" Sam said, but she was smiling slightly.

"You've been talking to me a lot lately." Freddie commented standing up to face her.

"That's just cause of your new facial feature. You're still the dork I like to pick on." She said flicking his shoulder with her finger.

"You really expect to believe you only like my company because I have a hairy face?" Freddie asked taking a step closer.

"Yes I do Freddichini." Sam said looking up at him.

"Really?" Freddie repeated, taking another step forward so they were only inches apart.

"Yeah." Sam said, but her voice faltered.

"You can touch my moustache now." Freddie said, Sam closed her eyes and leaned in to close the gap between them-

"Hey you guys!" Spencer said loudly bounding into the room. Sam and Freddie jumped back quickly, their faces reddening from embarrassment. "Who wants to play 'What Am I?', I got the Mexican version!"

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**Greetings!**

**What do you think of moustache romance?**

**Good?**

**Bad?**

**Hairy?**

**Let me know! : p**


	7. Chapter 7

**The continuing adventures of moustache...**

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"Am I orange?"

"No, but you're very close!"

"Am I yellow?"

"Yes!"

"Ok then, so I'm a yellow, crispy, deep-fat-fried snack that can be eating with a dip. So I'm a potato chip?"

"No Carly, It's the Mexican version of what am I. You are nachos!" Spencer exclaimed.

"Urgh! I hate this game!" Carly shouted getting up and throwing away her card. She went over the computer and turned it on. Spencer sat back in his chair looking disappointed, flicking the game pieces around in frustration.

"Carly?" Sam called from the bottom of the stairs. "Can we talk?"

"I thought you and Freddie went home an hour ago?" Carly said confused.

"I waited for Freddie to leave so I could talk to you in private." Sam answered. "Plus I kind of want to stay over."

"Of course you do." Carly said smirking. "What do you want to tell me?"

"Well, um...you see...Freddie and me nearly...we um-"

"Freddie and you did what?" Carly asked getting seriously worried.

"We nearly kissed!"

"What? That's it?" Carly asked feeling relieved and annoyed. "You guys _almost_ kissed? So what!"

"So what? Carly, this is kind of serious. I think I am in love."

"In love with Freddie? Awww...Sam that's so cute!"

"Not with Freddie, with his moustache."

"How can you be in love with hair?" Carly asked feeling extremely confused.

"Do the math Carly, I never liked the nub before, but now that he has his stupid moustache I can't stop thinking about him! I dreamt about him last night Carly, romantic dreams! Do you see how serious this is now?" Sam said frustrated, thumping her hand on the desk for added effect.

"Sam I think I know what's going on." Carly said smiling. "You have always had a little crush on Freddie and now that he has his facial hair you find him irresistible. You love Freddie! You _love _him!"

"Shut up Shay!"

"Sam and Freddie, sitting in a tree, _almost _k-i-s-s-i-n-g!"

"Carly, you may be my best friend, but if you don't quit singing right now I will hurt you."

"Ok, I'll stop."Carly said hanging her head in defeat.

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**facial hair can bring out the worst in people...**

**Anywho, you know what to do! (that means review!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I found a moustache related MLIA post...**

"**A few weeks ago, I looked up dumb laws and found one that stated it's illegal in Alabama to wear a fake moustache in church that causes laughter. Last night, my mom informed me that we will possibly be going to Alabama this summer for vacation. I have a whole pack of unused fake moustaches. This is gonna be the most epic vacation. Ever. MLIA"**

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Carly Shay shut her locker door and turned around only to find a very nervous looking Freddie standing in the school corridor behind her. "Ah! You scared me! What is it Freddie?" she asked looking worriedly at him as he anxiously fidgeted with his moustache.

"Carly I have something important to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone." Carly shook her head in agreement. "Ok, I'll tell you. Carly, I'm in love." Freddie looked at Carly impatiently waiting for her response.

"Freddie, we've been through this before. I don't feel the same way." Carly said softly.

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"I just want us to be friends."

"Carly, would you listen to me-"

"If this is another attempt to ask me to marry you, the answer is still no."

"If you would just let me finish...wait, marriage?"

"I don't care if you can get married at the age of 15 in the state of Missouri."

"CARLY! SHUT UP!" Freddie roared at her, shaking her shoulders to get her attention. "I'm not in love with you."

"Well, that was rude." Carly said trying to compose herself after being roared at and shaken. "So...who are you in love with?"She added curiously.

"Sam."

"Eeep!" Carly screamed jumping up and down. "That is so cute! You guys are adorable together, wait till Spencer and Gibby hear about this!"

"Carly calm down. I haven't even told Sam yet, mostly because I'm not sure she feels the same way...and also I think she'll probable give me internal bleeding when she finds out." Freddie said.

"Oh. Well, maybe Sam does feel the same way." Carly said.

"Really? She told you?" he asked excitedly.

"Well, sort of. She told me last night that she is in love with your moustache."

"Fantastic." Freddie retorted sarcastically.

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**Sorry for the long wait, I just came back from holidays. But I will post the next chapter tomorrow. : )**

**A BIG thank you to everyone who is reading my silly story, I love each and every one of you for reading and reviewing. (I'm feeling quite sentimental today so I sound all soppy... oh well )**

**Anyway R&R : p **


	9. Chapter 9

**Couldn't wait for tomorrow so I posted this chapter today! : p**

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A very confused Freddie walked towards Mrs Briggs classroom, thinking about what he and Carly had just discussed. He turned to enter the door of the classroom and he saw Sam sitting at a desk waiting for him. Then he realised he shared Mrs Brigg's class with Sam. "Crap" he muttered and took his seat beside her.

"So..." Sam said stretching her arms out in a lazy yawn. "Did you watch the new girly cow episode last night? It was hilarious, girly cow took up ballet lessons which is ridiculous 'cause cattle can't even stand on their hind legs let alone dance-"

"Sam," Freddie interrupted. "Can we talk about last night?"

"What about last night?" Sam asked worriedly.

"You know what I'm talking about."

Sam could feel the awkwardness beginning. She could literally slice the tension in the air with a knife. 'Ummm...slicing bacon' she thought to herself. 'Wait, stop thinking about bacon and get back to the awkward situation at hand!' "Why do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Well...we almost kissed."

"So?"

"So what does that mean for us?"

"Us? There is no us. What are you getting at Freddie?"

"Sam, is it true you have feelings for my facial hair? Cause I you do please tell me. I'm so confused as it is. I mean, I know being a teenager is hard, but between realising I'm in love with one of my best friends who is gonna beat me to a pulp when she finds out, and that the same girl is not in love with me but is instead in love with my moustache...well my head hurts thinking about it. How can you be in love with hair anyway? It doesn't even make sense; it's not rational thinking, in fact its mind boggling-"

"Fredward Benson and Samantha Pucket!" Mrs Briggs shouted as she entered the classroom. "Detention for talking in class! And Mr. Benson, what is that on your upper lip? Facial hair of any kind is strictly prohibited! Both of you to the principal's office straight this instant."

"Why is facial hair prohibited?" Sam asked bewildered.

"For health reasons. Now go!"

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**DUN DUN DUN! **

**Could this be the end of Freddie's moustache?**

**Does Sam like Freddie or his moustache?**

**Will seddie ever happen?**

**Should I stop asking annoying questions?**

**Ok, I'll stop.**


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